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I've been staring at this white page for days...weeks...over a month. Trying to come up with something worth writing about. Something that will interest not only me, but at least a few people who happen to come across my blog. Something pithy, witty, not too dark. Humorous, a little touching, moving enough to inspire a few tears, but not so deep that the reader is wrecked for hours afterward. That is actually a lot to expect. I have great respect for writers who are able, on a regular basis, to put out blog entries and columns and books. I am distracted by the truck idling outside my window, the dust blowing across the floor, the voices in my head telling me that there is nothing I could write that would have any meaning at all anyway. My time would be more efficiently used by sweeping up the dust. Yet, one voice in that mix, one tiny voice says, hey, write about what is most important right now, who cares if anyone else is interested! So...here goes.
I've not been a student, at least not an official one for ....well...a long time. However, every year "Back to School", even more than New Year's Day, signifies a new start. Whatever ever happened last year; the B instead of an A in some math subject, the disappointment of not getting a lead in the school musical, the lack of any dates whatsoever...again...all of those disappointments are in the past. This year I'm going to get all As (book a bunch of jobs), star in the musical (book a big theater instead of a tiny one)...go on a date (um....go on a date). This year is it! This year I'll be popular, the fashion go to girl, super successful. All of my hope is renewed as the days start to shorten. So, instead of back to school shopping, I decided ( in the wake of an aborted vacation due to Hurricane Irene) to spend the last weekend of summer in a Grinberg Method Intensive. I've been twisted every which way and am still sorting through everything that came up.
Part of the intensive, which included a lot of breathing, and talking and feeling, and, on the last day, tears and shouts, was to write a list of what I really want. I thought I would share (most of) it with you.
I WANT:
*to sleep better
*to teach less and make more
*to book at least two commercials by the end of the year
*to book at least two co-star spots by the end of the year
*to feed my dance soul with concert work, more choreography and more classes with my favorite teachers
*to book a big musical or play in a big house
To believe and accept that I deserve any of this.
*to go to Paris, via New York
*to get through a day without saying any of the following to myself:
-you are fat
-you are ugly
-you are gross
-you suck
*to remember
*to cry
*to let go
*to be at ease with people and in the world
*to trust when there is nothing to fear
*to update my media: reels, vocal demo, some new pics...
To not judge this list as greedy, self-centered, superficial, un-attainable, stupid or pathetic
*to speak when I've something to say
*to be open to love and care
*an amazing gown and a reason to wear it
