Spring Showcase

So, I teach at several LA area dance schools, and this was recital (although we called it a showcase) weekend at one of the biggest. I did two pieces for my ballet dancers. Little girls, so it was all sugar and spice. They did great and I got through it. I had SO much anxiety throughout the process. Would my dances be good enough? Would my dancers do a good job? Will I ever fit in with all of the other teachers? And the answers are yes, yes and no. I never will. I will always feel on the outside, somehow separate and not good enough. But, I'll keep trying and in the meantime will tell my dancers how beautiful they are and how proud of them I am. And that will have to be enough.

Quiet Sunday

So, I actually had the day off.  I did not have to speak to or yell at any short people under the age of 16. It was as close to Nirvana as I think that I will ever get. Don't get me wrong.  I mean really, I LOVE teaching.  I do.  I feel grounded and present and useful and in my element.  I know that I'm good at it and that the short ones like me.  It's all good.  Yet by the end of the day yesterday I was ready to kill them all.  Even the nice sweet ones.  Off with their (always talking) heads!  What I think is important about this is my ability to recognize that I had arrived at that point.  I NEVER want to be the bitter teacher, the one doing it only for a paycheck or because I can't find any other work, or because I've gotten caught in a rut.  I only want to teach and direct and choreograph for kids if I know that I am giving them what they deserve.  It's simply not ethical or moral otherwise.  It's just not.  So, I'm totally committed, but on the days when I say no kids, I mean it.  I really really mean it.

Living with friends....

So, I have a roommate these days. He's sweet and funny and prone to despair. He's been in LA almost 2 months and is not yet a star. Imagine. BUT, he has managed to destroy a car and go through his savings, so he's right on track. He's also booked a bunch of low paying gigs with impressive credit listings such as "thug" and "geeky guy" and is waiting tables. He somehow fails to see the perfection in his path....

And me, little miss isolated loner, is constantly in contact with another human being. It's crazy and refreshing and kind of lovely.

I've also managed to get the bronchial infection that is going around. Two weeks so far sounding like a cross between Brenda Vaccaro and a dying hyena. Nothing like trying to keep a room full of kids, all under age 12, in order with no voice and a hacking cough. Not fun. And funny. All at once. I'm in rehearsals for a silly little play about a messed up witch and a bunch of wayward princesses. The cast is all under the age of 12 and they are each funny and talented and special and absolutely normal...all at the same time. It keeps me grounded and happy, working with kids. Even though I'm sure one of them gave me the bronchial infection to start with.

The rest of my plan to take over my own world...not going according to the timeline.  But I'm working on it.