Silence........

I forget, sometimes, to turn on music in my house. I often feel silenced when I walk in the door and then feel stuck there, moving quietly, almost as if I don't belong, ignoring the fact that I have the power to change my situation, to make some noise.

I often find myself in the same situation out in the world, refusing to be seen or heard, forgetting that I have the power to make some noise. Making noise can mean a thousand things; standing up for yourself, creating something new and exciting, fighting a political battle, even saying no. It can mean stepping out on a limb and asking for something. "Hire me, like me, love me...." I find there is noise in the seemingly remote possibility of opening up my heart to someone else. The cracking and breaking of the wall around my heart will be loud, really loud. Most of the time, I'm not sure that I could take it.

I've turned on some music. Soft, melancholy singer/songwriter tunes waft through my little cottage. The days are starting to darken early, and my cottage is golden inside...the artificial light makes the pale yellow walls glow. Silence is golden too. It's safe and clean and a known quantity. But, if I am to be totally honest, it's also almost unbearably lonely. I think that it might be time to break it. Silence is full of secrets and pain and past shame. With the silence, the past retains it's power and in doing so keeps all of the wonderful cacophony of the present moment at bay. Ultimately, it gives the ever present voices in my head much more space than they deserve, and in doing so, feeds the illusion that is safer to be stuck in this little golden cage than to live.

I'm taking on a challenge; making noise. Starting with breath....breath that is audible, daring and deep. Breath that supports song and life and growth and most importantly, truth.