I am drawn to articles; to studies, to stories about girls who are anorexic; who cut, who appear to have it all yet struggle to exist in their upper class, privileged neighborhoods. Articles about girls who excel in school, take all AP classes, dance and sing and volunteer, who go to good universities and get good grades there. Girls with big smiles and designer jeans and bright eyes. I am drawn to these articles and read them obsessively but they are all about girls. What I am looking for are articles about what happens to these girls when they can no longer be classified that way. Young women, middle aged women, women who are caught somewhere between.....women who feel just like those girls that they used to be. Women who have acquired somewhat better coping mechanisms through years of therapy but still wake up wondering what the hell they can possibly do to fit in, to be successful, to find love, to not question their right to exist. Women who then decide, knowing full well that it doesn't work, that if they can just run farther, eat less, bleed a little and climb one more career mountain, that things will be better. Where are those articles? Do we care about the girls once they become those slightly lost women? I fear that we don't. My fear is that it's not possible to fully shed that girl; the girl who knows deep in her bones that she will never be good enough. It's a fear, it's not truth. I have been told that numerous times. But on mornings like this one, lonely mornings without the structure that keeps all of those urges in check, the climb can seem insurmountable and the desire to make the struggle visible to the naked eye is enormous. So, I continue to surf the internet looking for the one article that will give me the answer. I have yet to find it.