Tech Rehearsal

I'm sitting in the theater at the tech rehearsal for Skeleton Stories. I love this show. It is touching and lovely and ugly and heartbreaking and gross and beautiful. The cast is amazing and the design team astonishing. I'm terrified that my work in it is not up to snuff, even though everyone has said only nice things about it. Isn't that always the case though, that feeling that we all have of not belonging, of not being good enough. Of course this business in which I am completely immersed emphasizes it over and over. "We've decided to go a different way, you are not what we have in mind, you are nice looking but we want a knockout...." The list of rejection sentences is endless. I was just rejected by a manager with whom I really wanted to work. That was hard. Very. It feels much more personal when they meet you and then reject you, rather than just throwing your picture into the trash. To balance that disappointment, I was cast in a new play, The Limitations of Genetic Technology, which will also take place at Theatre of Note. David Watkins is the amazing director. I just saw his current play, Meditations, Eva Hesse, for which I also auditioned (not getting cast was another of those losses that landed) and it was gorgeous. I am really excited to work with him. The timing of this next play is so much better as well. So, for each loss there is a gain. What I need to learn is how to make the pluses mean more than the losses. It's an ongoing process. For today, I am concentrating on this amazing production and looking forward to opening night, Friday October 1.