It's been a month, maybe a little more, since I set myself free from therapy. Freedom is a slightly double edged sword however. I find myself feeling both a little more adrift and simultaneously stronger. I have set a task of actively sending out only positive energy, listing 5 positive things every morning on my Facebook and Twitter updates. I had actually tried this earlier last year, but in my journal. It felt stupid and fake and insincere. I find that sending it out in a public forum is a completely different animal. It is more genuine and the positive energy is starting to return to me. People are commenting that they feel that I've shifted, or that they like reading them, or simply that it's nice to see. It makes me feel a little less alone, but also, if I'm being truly honest, feels a little less than fully honest because although the positive thoughts are real, they are only part of the story. I spend much of my time managing feeling like shit: alone and scared. I feel like calling Dr. L at least once a day, but I haven't. I am able to manage on my own. That, in and of itself, is progress. What is interesting is that as I have actively decided to focus on the positive, there is more of it to focus on: I love my teaching jobs, I've had more auditions, call-backs and jobs, and I'm meeting with a new manager today. It's a complete package deal. Good breeds good. And staying in the day, a quote from my dear friend Liz, helps too.
No comments:
Post a Comment