And back in LA....

Thanksgiving with the family.  Wow.  I am not a holiday person.  They make me nervous, uncomfortable, anxious....so much food, so much pressure, so much PAST.  But, since my sister was broken and her husband sick and my niece so damned tempting, I went.  To Arizona.  By car.  Much too fast.  Oh yes.  Arizona loves speeding tickets.  Fell right into the trap.  Which was fitting because I fell into many many many emotional traps as well.  In contrast to all of my progress in dealing with my mother on the phone, in person I fall into trap after trap after trap.  From the outside, it's actually rather interesting.  If I were a shrink watching someone else, I could give many many interpretations.  Instead I just fall into the traps, fight, and feel like shit.   Not brilliant.

However, I did spend much quality time with my niece which was AWESOME.  Favorite moments:

1. While getting a riding lesson from my sister (I am not a great rider, but do get onto a horse whenever I visit.  I was working on cantering around in a circle.  Jordan, age 5 was working on trotting around in a circle)

"Nancy, you know when I was riding next to you?   I was pretending that we were racing and in my head, I was going at a gallop!!"

2. Barb was putting her to bed:

Mom, can I have a backrub?

No sweetie, just go to bed.

pause....

Well, I'll just roll over and my back is here if you want it...

3.  Our day of shopping.  The girl's first word was shoe.  Seriously.  It was prescient... We had a blast and she made out like a bandit!

The next holiday is only 3 weeks away.  Hopefully I can pull out of the free fall into the traps on that trip....